Pendulums, Cabbage, and Tears

I got to the farm on Thursday night around 6:45pm. It's a place... It's a place that's seen better days. There are piles of stuff: old metal, broken bicycles, shanty houses of red slat wood. The first person I met was a tall skinny girl with dyed red hair and a smudged bandanna around her head. Her name is Ann-Katrin, German, and first impressions lead you to believe she's half asleep or stoned. The next person I meet, shortly after standing awkwardly with Carl and this girl, is Anderjs, the Swedish man married to the woman who I have been in contact with. He's a man that has a sweet smile, although he's really quiet and flighty albeit a nice guy.

Here is a rundown of the personalities at the farm:

1. Flighty
2. Stoned
3. Hyper
4. Mystic
5. Japanese

Where do I fit in? There is one Swede, three Americans, one German, and now one Japanese girl on the farm.

Right away I was put to work in the green houses and then off to the field. We started around 7:30pm and didn't end till 11pm. It was really great working in the greenhouse, unearthing cabbage and broccoli plants to be replanted in the field. it felt really good doing something systematic that had my hands in the earth. Next we rode a contraption behind a tractor, planting what we had unearthed. That was also really fun - although I hope my black thumbs won't do their evil magic here. We finished and I went to bed in my humble room.

I will honestly say that I had a breakdown. Everything that has been coalescing over the past months in my mind converged on yesterday - Friday. I walked around with water in my eyes and enough pressure in my head to make everything want to abandon ship my brain. I started questioning everything and that's never been a good pastime for me. Pretty soon you start questioning yourself into dark corners and loosing sense of actuality and hope. Ah well, I'm starting to worry if this is a trend for me - I really have to smash the ice with my head in order to feel any comfort at all. I was all set to slink away down the road - feeling inhuman, alone, ignored, sad, lost... blah blah blah... when I decided that if I was to stay at this place, I gotta talk with the lady in charge and let her know how I feel.

I did talk with her and it did help. The thing about American turned Swedish Hippies is that they're really relaxed - about your problems and theirs. Into astrology, sitting on a couch wrapped in a blanket and surrounded by her cats, she says that something about my Pluto and Saturn is out of alignment. *sigh* OK, so even if my planets are colliding, she did agree that I can stay for at least two weeks to help out during this extremely busy season with the option of re-extending my stay to the original 4 weeks if I change my mind.

ALRIGHT - Now you are all maybe thinking: Crazy Katie, can't follow through on her ideas. Well. YEAH. Me = transitional stage.

Now for more details. The place is vegetarian and we get one large meal a day in the afternoon, cooked by the lady of the house. Otherwise we scavenge what we can find, which for me equals Swedish hard bread with butter and cheese with water. My creativity cooking skills will need to improve out of necessity. The first night I got there, everyone disappeared right away after work and ran to their rooms to sleep. My stomach was growling - hadn't eaten in 9 hours - with not a clue where anything was and too afraid and tired to ask. My bane, my fears they are. So I trundled away to my bed but was unable to sleep. Woke up for good at 7:30am and was working again for the day. And that was the day I broke down inside. Little food, little sleep, little hope = BAD DAY. I'm much better now. Let me say that again: MUCH BETTER NOW.

I'm the muscle of the farm. Already, my arms have been discovered and my nickname is Tidus, which laughingly reminds me of a certain Final Fantasy video game. I haul around sacks of potatoes, carrots, and jars of Lactic Acid (really, I want to know too). And, now that I'm feeling better, I think it makes me walk taller. After a bout of caustic sadness is drawn out, the only way to stand is tall, especially when you are needed.

The big deadline for the farm is June 16 - everything has to be in the ground by then in order for the farm to get governmental money. As far as I can see, we got a lot of work ahead of us. They have many different kinds of crops. One of the duties is watering the green houses and I can see cucumbers, tomatoes, broccoli, lettuce, carrots, squash, cabbage, and many other sorts of plants that I just can't recognize yet.

The farm has many different out buildings. One is a very lovely barn with stables that I can tell were once much used and loved but are now falling into disuse. There is only one old horse on the farm that stays out in a paddock all day happily munching grass. Once things slow down, maybe Karin (lady of The House) would let me clean it up and take care of all the tack in there. The disorder of this place hurts me a bit - the orderly German parts. Sure, being relaxed and carefree is great but how about a little more order to it. Maybe I'm missing something.

Today, since not much is happening, I needed a sanity break as well as a long shower. I went into town, was bemusedly dropped off by Karin (who was in a rush) somewhere I didn't recognize, and spent 45 minutes walking with a map and Swedish directions to my bike. After buying another plug adapter for my computer (it services 150 countries! woohoo!), food, and that gloriously long shower, I'm feeling much better.

Well, I gotta pack things back up and head for the bus back to the farm. Pictures will come later - I have to charge my camera battery but the fear of starting a fire with this old wiring is very real for me... Soon, soon I shall brave it!

lots of love.